Jugs and Johnsons Toujours, Toujours (June 26)

So a lot of you have been asking about the kinds of things we do here. The answer is that we do a lot of things. Our days are filled with classes of all kinds, but all of them have the combined effect of ridding us of embarrassment of any kind. Let me give you an idea.

1. We look at breasts. I learned this week that according to a 1999 study by UNICEF, if every baby worldwide were breastfed exclusively and on-demand for the first six months of life, more than 1.5 million infant lives would be saved each year. I was floored. For this reason, it’s important for all of us to be able to talk about nursing, and for that, everyone has to be comfortable talking about breasts (read::saying words like areola to a group of complete strangers). This week I got to give a presentation on breastfeeding including several diagrams and a demonstration of proper holding techniques. We also talked about the effect nursing a dozen or so children for a couple of years each has on breasts. It’s not pretty. Eventually, everyone has to be ready to do this sort of presentation. I just got to be the first. I think it will be considerably more awkward for the men.

2. We talk about poo. A lot. In fact, we had an entire day dedicated to diarrhea, its causes and remedies, and the complications it can cause. This was not my favorite day, and I don’t like to think about it.

3. We practice putting condoms on model penises. That’s right, last week we showed up for class, and after a quick review of safe sex strategies, the instructor removed from her mysterious black case several penis models of various size, color, and texture. Variety is, after all, the spice of life. She then divided us into teams of five with one penis to a team and proceeded to have a relay race employing the correct techniques of putting on and removing a condom. It was adult film school field day.

4. We have hours upon hours of French class. I know this one is not exciting, but it fills up the better part of many days, and necessary as the courses are, they are a source of endless frustration and embarrassment. I know some of you are thinking it can’t be that bad, but my friend B would tell you otherwise. The dog at his house recently had puppies, and he asked his host father what he was going to do with them. The dad named several friends who had spoken for puppies, but B really wanted one as well. When the dad asked what he would do with the dog, B told him he wanted to take it to post to be his “petite amie,” literally his little friend but in common usage his girlfriend. Awkward.

Aside from all that, we live in a great village with a lot of very friendly and very curious people who ask us questions we don’t really understand and laugh interminably at out answers. Usually, I don’t know why, but it’s starting to bother my less. I just smile and wave good-bye. With my right hand, not my left--that would be embarrassing.


Also, CONGRATULATIONS to Katie, Alex, and Olivia on the birth of John, who is beautiful!